Dear Tom and Ray:

My loser friend keeps asking me to jump-start his loser car. I've done it about five times now and I'm about ready to tell him where he can put his jumper cables. Is my battery going to suffer from all of this jump-starting? My Honda Civic is 3 years old and I haven't had to replace the battery yet, but I'm starting to worry. Is there some technical, car-lingo-laden excuse I can give him for why I can't help him out next time his junk heap dies? ? Brad

RAY: Unfortunately, no, Brad. Jump-starting someone else's car is just like donating a pint of blood. A few days later, you'd never know it happened.

TOM: It's just like starting your own car one more time. So it hardly makes a difference in the life of your battery.

RAY: That doesn't mean we can't help you, though, Brad. If he's outworn his welcome, we'll be happy to help you make up a technical-sounding excuse.

TOM: Tell him that electron drain during a jump-start is magnified by Avogadro's number, and the tie-in between Coulombs Law and the Hiesenberg Uncertainty Principle makes it unwise to perform any more than five jump-starts in a given year. Then throw in some reference to global warming and violations of the Southeast Asian Treaty Organization, and he should get the idea.

RAY: Or just tell him you're watching Buffy the Vampire Slayer and he should check the Yellow Pages under "AAA."

Dear Tom and Ray:

I have a 1994 Jeep Cherokee with 115,000 miles. My problem is, the car has started to leak fluid from the transfer case. The seals were replaced twice in the last two months. Both times, the leak did stop for almost a week. When I talked to "Chuck" at the local Jeep dealer service department, he recommended that I buy a case of fluid and add it as needed, since the leak "isn't that bad" and "the car has a lot of miles on it." He says that's better than spending $1,500-$2,000 to fix it. I'm not blond, I have a Ph.D in nursing, and I get a little steamed when the mechanic talks to me like I have dead space in my head. Can you tell me if I'm getting good advice from Chuck? ? Louise

TOM: Well, toots ...

RAY: Just kidding, Louise! Actually, I think Chuck is giving you pretty good advice. Since he works at a Jeep dealership, he knows something you don't ? that the engine is probably going to blow on this Cherokee long before you've gotten your money's worth out of a transfer-case rebuild.

TOM: The only problem with this advice is that there's no easy way to check the fluid level in the transfer case. You have to crawl under the car to check it, which is not very convenient ? especially in those nice, white nurse's uniforms.

RAY: Actually, you really have to get the car on a lift and remove the plug, so it's something you have to have done at a gas station or garage.

TOM: So before you implement the "Chuck Approach," you need to get an idea about how fast it's leaking. Have Chuck top it up for you, and then come back in a month and ask him to check it again. If it's all leaked out and the transfer case is ruined, then you'll know it was in the stars and you can have the repair done or look for another car.

RAY: If it hasn't all leaked out, have Chuck measure how much fluid it takes. You may find that you only have to check it every two months ? or every three months. And that wouldn't be so bad.

TOM: At some point, the leak will get worse, but by then, you may have won the lottery ? or seized the engine. Good luck, Louise.

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