Sunday, May 20, 2007

I love music and going to concerts, but my best friend's parents are really protective and don't like the concert scene. How can I get them to let us go together? - Kelly, 16, Camillus, N.Y.

It's a bummer when you can't do things with your best friend because of her parents' restrictions. But that doesn't mean you should give up on seeing your favorite bands. You can go with other friends, obviously, plus you can give your best friend some tips on how to persuade her mom and dad to loosen the rules. Keep in mind, though, that this is your friend's family - let her do the talking. Suggest that she sit down with her parents and ask what their concerns are. Do they object to the lyrics or the spirit of the music? If yes, start small: Ask for their permission to see the most mellow, noncontroversial group you and your friend are into. Do they think it's unsafe for you to go alone? Suggest they come along but sit a few rows apart from you. Are they worried it will be too loud? Vow to wear earplugs! Both you and your friend will have to compromise with her parents a little until they're convinced she's up for more independence.

I have been dating a new guy, and his friends totally hate me. So when we're around them, he doesn't hold my hand or put his arm around me. What should I do to get in good with his group? - Carrie, 16, Longview, Texas

Since you two haven't been together too long, it's understandable that your guy is a little shy with you around his friends. You could be the first girlfriend he's introduced them to, and that could be a little scary. He might still be getting used to balancing you with the guys too. Give him the benefit of the doubt as he's adjusting to this new situation. As you've discovered, when you're in a relationship with a guy, you're sort of in a relationship with his friends also (since you'll be spending a lot of time with them). Here are a few things some guys have told us about how their friend's girl can make nice: First, try to get to know each of them individually, and focus on how you're making them feel - not the other way around. Join in the conversation; if they're talking about stuff you don't know much about, ask questions (without playing dumb). Finally, let them have some guys-only time, so they don't feel like you're stealing him away from them. Your boyfriend might never be a big fan of public displays of affection, but if his friends like you, he'll feel that much more comfortable showing that he likes you too.

Whenever I feel stressed or a guy hurts my feelings, I cut myself. I don't want to make my parents feel guilty because it's not their fault. But now I'm wondering if I should tell them, and if so, how. - Mary, 16, Los Angeles

Everyone reacts differently to stress and to difficult emotions. These feelings can be hard to handle, and your personal way of dealing with them is by hurting yourself. While it's not very common, there are other girls who cut themselves too. (Some say they do it to distract themselves from their emotional pain by inflicting physical pain.) You're brave for coming out about your problem, because you do need to get help. Cutting opens you up to infections and potentially serious wounds, not to mention lifelong scars. Right after you finish reading this, go to safe-alternatives.com to find information about cutting, like facts, resources and therapist referrals. Print out what you find, and show it to your parents when you talk to them about this. Sit them down and tell them that you've been suffering with this problem for a while and that you want to stop cutting but you don't know how. We know it will be hard, but you need support from them, and they'll also be able to help you get professional help. Cutting is treatable; you just have to take the first step.

Questions may be sent directly to: dearseventeen@hearst.com.

2003 by King Features Syndicate Inc.